Today, we live in a society where we believe we have certain 'rights' that belong to us. Many of these so called rights are really just our belief of entitlement. We think everyone owes us everything. Well, there is no teaching in the Bible of this way of thinking, but we also live in a culture which doesn't fear God, and believes that the culture shapes truth, rather than God's word.
In the beginning, God created Adam and Eve. He created a man and a woman to live in a special relationship called, 'marriage'. There bodies were created to match anatomically, and they were made to compliment one another. Out of that relationship, children would come.
Marriage was the first institution by God. The family unit is the foundation for any society. Throughout the Bible, you will find instructions from God on how the different members of the family are to relate to each other.
There are instructions given to moms and dads, as well as to children. Marriage has always been in existence throughout History, even in remote civilizations. I remember hearing of one such remote civilization where there was a stiff penalty for committing adultery. This was a society that didn't even have God's word, yet they knew intuitively that committing adultery is wrong. This verifies the fact that God's word is already written in our hearts.
So, why the phenomena of divorce, and why is it so bad? The phenomena of divorce goes back to what I wrote at the beginning of this article. We have an expectation of entitlement. Somehow, we missed the places in the Bible where Jesus tells us that whoever does not forsake everything he has, is not worthy to be His disciple.
The whole crux of what the Bible says about our problem is simply this; we are selfish. We are autonomous, and we will do whatever we want to do to get what we want, no matter who we hurt, or how much it costs someone else. We want to call the shots, and we don't want anyone telling us what to do.
God created the first man and woman without flaws. Of course, they were tempted by the Enemy of our souls, and fell. Now all of us think sin is great and we don't want to give up our 'rights' to ourselves. We think we have rights to do whatever we think will make us happy. If we are unhappy in a marriage, we think we should get out, because our 'happiness' is the most important thing around. What does God say about that though?
God created us to love and worship Him. We were made to have a relationship with Him, but because of sin, we don't have a relationship with God. God is in the light, but we are in darkness. Our selfishness causes us to want to get a divorce. We reason with ourselves that we can find someone better to take our spouse's place. God has a lot to say about that in His word.
God takes seriously the sin of committing adultery. When it comes to sexual sins, those are more serious in God's eyes. When we take vows to marry a person, God takes that seriously. We need to be very sure that the person we plan to marry is a person whom we will want to spend the rest of our lives with. We can't go into marriage thinking that if the marriage doesn't work, we can get out of it. We really can't. When we marry, we marry for life.
I'm not going to go into any kind of specific reasons that might be valid for divorce. The Bible talks about separating from a spouse if there is an unresolved conflict that would cause harm to a person. Now I am not talking about just being unhappy in a marriage. There are reasons, such as physical abuse, that would provide a valid reason for a person not staying with the abusive spouse. But today, we think that if we are not happy in a marriage, then we should get out of it.
Divorce breaks the family unit apart, and people suffer. Women are forced to go to work, and many cannot find jobs that pay enough to support the children. Sons need a dad to help them mature properly. Dads provide security for the family, while moms provide tender loving care for the family members.
In 1970, when Ronald Reagan was governor of California, he made legal 'no fault divorce', and ever since that time, the family unit has broken down. Society will end up crumbling if this is not remedied.
What's amazing to me is the group of men who divorce their wives and leave their children, and never even support their family after they are gone. Men commit adultery and leave everyone in the family high and dry. I know of one family where this happened, and the daughter became suicidal. This particular man was so set on leaving his wife for another woman, that he even looked upon his precious children with disdain. Why? Because they got in the way of what he wanted. He felt 'entitled' to have his way. Friends, this is so far from how God's word tells us to live.
Women are just as bad, I must say. I know of several who found another lover and left their husbands for the other man. Have you ever thought of how this affects children?
My parents didn't believe in divorce, nor did they really argue very much, but they had two very serious arguments that I can remember. I was about seven or eight, and I remember feeling devastated while the argument went on. I felt insecure and afraid. I didn't know what it meant. It was terrifying to me, and it was only an argument. I can't imagine how I would have felt if that argument would have ended in divorce!
Friends, we need to take our marriages seriously. We don't have options to get out of marriage once we are in it. But, God will give us wisdom and grace if we seek Him, in our relationships with our spouses.
Nobody's marriage is going to be perfect. No one will live 'happily ever after'. That is a deceptive lie that we subtly believe in. Marriage is hard work, and there is nothing wrong with hard work! Society will tell you to take the easy way out, but that is not what the Bible says! Anything that is precious, is worth fighting for.
The Bible says we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves, and we really do love ourselves already! Our love for God is measured by how we love our neighbor. In marriage, our spouse is our 'neighbor'. We cause divorce to happen because we don't love. Love is not self serving. Love is sacrificing our wants and desires so that others can be blessed and successful. But in America today, we think we love, when we really are just being selfish. Yes, we do love. We love ourselves, and if anyone gets in our way, we don't love them. Our spouses get in the way of our loving ourselves, and that is why there are so many divorces, even among Christians who say they believe the Bible is God's word.
The answer to the dilemma is simple, yet it takes a work of God, and a desperation of our hearts to want to be changed. We can love God and our spouse, but only with a new heart that God gives us, when we repent and come to Christ. That heart can persevere through marriage and relational difficulties. That heart can say, 'not my will, but Yours, O God'. God gives us the grace to say, 'no' to sin, and 'yes' to righteousness. Only with a new heart from God will we be filled with the love of God.
Of course, we can't be responsible for a spouse who has a hardened heart. But we can love him or her and faithfully pray for this spouse. I think if we pray for one another, and serve on another in humility, we could spare many marriages from breaking up.
So, when marriage becomes difficult, don't give up! Marriage is difficult, but God gives the grace for us to change. Our marriages can become beautiful pictures of Christ's relationship to the church. May we all learn to love our spouses and build a legacy for our children by creating a secure family unit for them to grow up in and develop in.
God doesn't give us relationships to make us happy. He gives us relationships to make us holy. If we think this is boring, we might want to check our hearts and see if we really do have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. If the love of God is not in our hearts for one another, we need to be concerned.
For more information on repentance and sin, please go to http://thegospelconversation.blogspot.com
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